Its a new world

10:22 PM

March hols my ass. Lol one week is wayyyy too short. Haha class BBQ on thursday was the bomb man. Food was great, the company? Even better. I've been out every single day. haha.

Campfire at crescent yesterdayy. Haha the sec 1s are getting smaller man, they're so tiny. I saw mdm Lim, and she saw me. I think she still hates me, oh well. I'd be a useless CI anyway. All my long days coincide with NP days and I even have judo on saturday. And if I WAS trying to be a useful CI, I've never get any hw done and flunk out on everything. So it was a good decision. I don't think I can handle that much. I struggle to handle myself.

On that note, I'm still being sociable in judo. Haha. I know more of the guys now. Although the ones that I know are the pros, so I hardly see them. Or train with them for that matter. But its ok. haha. Judo's getting funner. haha. We learnt rolling break fall from standing today. haha I can do left but my right is real hopeless. Its funnn. But my shoulder hurts. haha. Groundwork is funny. haha holding each other down gets pretty crazy, especially when we start laughing. Caris is realllyyyy strong. She flipped me over. Lol.

You know what I'm really scared of? Being alone and never finding anyone. Love, I live for it. Life is so crappy that if there isn't love, what's there to live for? Thats what I feel anyway. But of course, 'living' is a matter of perspective. Some people's idea of living is getting rich, or building up their careers, or climbing the social ladder. My idea of living is a life of love, fun and hardship. After all, without hardship, how does one appreciate love and happiness? I suppose I am very very insecure. This fact of course, goes unnoticed. I'd rather it be recognized, otherwise, people will constantly get the wrong impression of me. My history of being an NPCC staff sergeant doesn't exactly help either. Neither does my present CCA. They all think I'm tough or something. Please, I'm more a girl than anything else. I'm waiting for a fairytale to come true for me. And I actually believe it will, given it will probably be unconventional, but it will be my fairytale and it will end with a happily ever after.

I'm done ranting. I'm tired.

Labels: lifestyle

Its a new world

10:22 PM

10:22 PM